Dear Diary – Self Portrait

18.03.12 (Diary extract)

A dialogue with my images; the burns, the accident, communication, which without the pictures may barely exist.

My only connection to the accident is my body, my scars – the story is there. I feel my photos are more authentic compared to my words. How can I talk about something I have no memory of? I have read how essential it is to talk through the experience in order to overcome the trauma and isolation felt by burns survivors .

Image

 I often feel repetitive, frustrated and angry – but I continue for the relief this process can bring. Being able to find the words is hard.

3 Comments

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  1. Your photographs are eloquent and this one is a superb metaphor. I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like for you, but I believe that the process you have embarked upon is important and gives a vehicle of sorts to connect and engage.

    I know that my response, remember the poem, was in direct empathy to the scars, to the way they are integral to you and your body and to how you use them to explore their meanings.

    Regards John.

    • Dear John

      I have the poem you emailed me copied into my diary …. I was looking at it only the other day. Reading that helps me feel understood and it touched me to receive it.

      I had the urge for a while to do this shoot in my local Launderette, but I had no Idea just how it was going to look with the door closed… this image speaks to me.

      The work is definitely a vehicle and now the blog is part of that too, Im inspired to get better at writing and communicate as much as I can, it really helps! Thank-you John!

  2. Dear Esther

    I was moved by your reply, thank you too.

    Now something about your photograph. Firstly I see it as a metaphor for rebirth and fittingly the drier has become an electrical womb. It speaks of you endeavouring to return to the condition from which your amnesia came.Most of us leave the womb with no memory, unless you are Dali that is. Here you are in fetal meditation, eyes closed not ready to see, but head turned in expectation..

    I know it could also be a statement of withdrawal, but if that were the case you would not be facing outward, your back would be toward the door. I guess there would not have been much room for that, However you have turned your face to the potential audience, the midwives, the birth partners and those who greet you.

    It is also a statement of purification. Your scars have been through a previous stage and now ‘purified’ you are ready to rejoin, a changed person, but stronger.

    John

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